Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica

My thoughts are so jumbled and messy right now. I can't tell where one begins and the other ends. And as I sit here thinking a million different things, I can't seem to figure out where to start. So I'm jumping right into the middle of it all. This will be random at best.

Transition. The only word to describe my life at the moment. Moving from one point to the next. And although forward-motion is the goal with transition, I find myself stuck. trapped. stalled. Like one of those dreams where you're trying to run away and you can't seem to move. And yet, the world around me seems to be moving 100 mph. Dizziness and confusion are inevitable.

I miss the summer. I miss the relationships that were formed. I miss riding around on 4-wheelers, attempting to build camp fires, staring up at the stars across a seemingly endless sky, laughing in the break room until 2 AM, the lake, hearing the music radiate from chapel no matter where I was around camp, daily debrief sessions with Jillian, writing up our schedule for the day, free smoothies from the coffee bar, yelling 'go back to your cabins', hanging out in the office, the trips into town, swinging on the bunk house porch, herding 50 horses back to the barn at 3 in the morning, hayrides, waking up to JB every morning, returning familiar faces, staff lunches, theme nights, that ridiculous rules video, rain boots, personalized walkie talkies, 4th of July weekend, glow sticks, and the importance of having a Full Throttle shirt in every color... used to evangelize of course :)

Those were the days...

Change is good. And as each day passes, I'm slowly learning to embrace it. One of my teachers a couple years back always made it a point to end each class by saying "There's nothing worse than being the same person you were last week." Basically trying to make us realize that if we're not growing, there's something wrong. Growth can only occur through change.

The process of letting go is slow, but steady. Letting go of the things I thought I knew. Letting go of expectations, broken friendships, and ultimately my stubbornness. I look forward to the days when the dust finally settles and things become more clear again. But until then, I can do nothing but trust. Trust that the plans He has for me, are better than the ones I have for myself.