Heart Abandoned

I think what I need is a good cry.

I feel so discouraged tonight.

I wish that I could say there was a reason for it, but there really isn't one in particular. The whole world just seems to be weighing me down at the moment. Ugh, when will there be relief. I keep living everyday in hope. But I'm so tired of living for tomorrow. I want for once to be able to fully live for today. I feel lost.

I long to be led, but I'm constantly in a fight to lead. I don't know what happened to the days of complete relience on the Lord, but they seem so far away. My selfishness and stubborness have gotten me nowhere. My guilt and shame keep rising. I don't like where I am. I don't want to sink any further into the muck and myer. I've fought this endless battle for so long, but the truth always presides. I need help. As much as I hate to admit it, I can't do it alone.

I was so silly to think that running away from Him would make things better. If I ran far enough He would forget about me for the time being and focus on someone else. I was so wrong. The farther I ran, the louder I heard His voice. He clenched my soul and wouldn't let go. And deep down, I long to be close to Him again. I always have.

So here I am.

Let's start again.