Wut

Honestly I have no idea what I'm doing in life. A conversation with a good friend today helped confirm that I'm not the only one. However, sometimes it feels like I am.

Everyone's getting married and happily in relationships and I spend my time under a comfy blanket eating Nutella and watching Bones. I'm not a complete lost cause however, I do switch the channel over to hockey come October.

I have this sense that I have failed somewhere. I honestly have no direction anymore. The things that I was once passionate have become fading flickers of light. I miss that excitement. The almost overwhelming feeling of joy that came from thinking forward. My mind doesn't seem to know how to think that direction anymore.

I won't spend much time on my past since I've spent minutes and hours and days focused on it already. I seem to be stuck in the present. I'm almost afraid to move forward. I don't feel like I have anything left to look forward to. I've made some bad decisions the past few years. And while I've thought I successfully maneuvered my way through the consequences, I apparently am not done.

I keep hearing people say that God has a great plan for me. In fact, its my favorite verse in the Bible. A plan for hope and a future. I question where that hope is. I don't know where to go. My engine is stalled. But I know I hate the place I'm in.

Shameful habits that followed me rom my youth are still around. I'm out of shape. Not as excited as I used to be about life. And completely unmotivated to do anything. I should probably post that on a dating profile...

I guess I just need to take that leap of faith and put myself out there. Starting with finding an internship. I keep thinking that I'm not going to be good enough and no one will want me. This line of thought coincidently follows me into my dating life as well.

Oh Lord in heaven. Forgive me and place me on track again.